he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
