She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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