I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
