Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
