that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I could fuck to npr.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
