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We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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