The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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