guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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