You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
