Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
