I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
