The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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