It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Randomize
