i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
