btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
