Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
