I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
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