three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just gargled with NyQuil
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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