i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
