so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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