I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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