i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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