Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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