census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
