I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
