dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
