Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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