I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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