So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
