You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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