First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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