just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
