I'm so fucking centered right now
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
