it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Randomize
