I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
