Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
