i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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