you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
