i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
