I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
