dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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