My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
