I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
