we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
