ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
