I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
