Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
