Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
