hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
