I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
